You know that thing we do each morning as soon as we pick up our mobiles? We decide to check only the important stuff, but one thing leads to another, and we end up peeking into others’ lives. What happens next? “Wow, ABC are on that perfect vacation; how lucky!” “Oh my God, my colleague just landed the perfect job!” What are we doing to ourselves? As children, we remember our parents comparing us with other kids. Sports, grades, or behavior, a comparison was inevitable and always felt horrible. The comparison cycle follows us well into teenage and adulthood. We swear we will never do it because comparison makes us feel awful. But let’s take a minute and be sincere with ourselves. Salary, position, popularity among colleagues, size of our homes, make of our cars, model of mobiles, aren’t we comparing ourselves ALL THE TIME? Much as we detest and dread it, we fall prey to the comparison trap. But if we want to live a happy life, it’s time to Stop Comparing, Start Living!
In a hyperconnected digital era, where people are constantly showcasing their perfect moments, it’s easy to assume they have the “perfect” life, career, partner, material possessions, etc. We willingly enter the comparison trap and feel envy, anger, frustration, anxiety, and depression. If things worsen, we embark on the vicious self-sabotage trip, magnifying our flaws and trivializing our strengths! Why is it so hard for us to understand and acknowledge that perfectionism is unreal.
If stress, anxiety, and fatigue are a part of your daily routine, Emotional Fitness for the Urban Professional is just what you need to read.
Why do we compare? Some thought-provoking facts…
Comparison is not new and has been around since caveman times. The Social Comparison Theory by social psychologist Leon Festinger reveals individuals have an intrinsic need to evaluate themselves, and comparison is the measurement stick. Yes, comparisons are an ingrained part of human cognition. But they can be powerful motivators and growth enablers. They provide the feedback necessary to go from where we are to where we want to be.
But while the compulsion to compare acts as a self-improvement tool for some, mindlessly envying others without valuing our individual life journey is detrimental to the rest.
So how do we achieve that delicate balance? Is it possible to compare without experiencing pangs of envy and fostering negative feelings for the person with whom we compare ourselves? If you can achieve that, then no cause for worry. But for most of us, comparison always heightens anxiety and stress and, in severe cases, drags us into depression.
My two cents on how to stop comparing, start living!
Focus Inwards: Life is not a race but a journey to be enjoyed. Focus on who you are, where you are, and what you want to do. Nobody is perfect, and there is no such thing as “perfect.” It is just that “the grass is greener where you water it.” Pour your energies into comparing and feeling jealous; you are bound to go downward. Focus inwards and invest in personal growth, and you will shine.
Avoid the apparent triggers: If browsing through social media is what triggers you into comparison mode, limit your social media consumption. Because this whole thing of comparing other’s best to our worse, other’s external to our internal, their portrayed abundance to our lack, is skewing up your perception of reality. Not all that you see is as it appears.
Self-Acceptance: Overcome your fears. Go from self-doubt to self-compassion. Insecurities are universal and strike even the most confident and successful people. Quieten that inner critic and focus on your strengths. Be your own best friend and remind yourself of all your accomplishments when you feel inadequate, inefficient, or unworthy.
Gratitude: Count your blessings and be thankful for all that you have. You are where you ought to be: family, friends, relationships, and career. Gratitude is the best way to counteract the negativity of comparison and attract positivity.
Mindset Matters for a Happier life, read this blog and you’ll know how.
The long and short of it…
If you still cannot stop playing the comparison game, here’s your trump card to win at it – Compare yourself only with yourself! Compare your past with your present and be inspired to create a brighter future. Learn to appreciate others’ victories and success genuinely, but don’t ever downplay your own.
Are you ready to stop comparing, start living the Happiness Habits way? There will always be people more successful, intelligent, or attractive. If you desire something, go for it. But do it because you want to, because it will make you happy, not with the “Keeping up with the Joneses” attitude. Be your own genuine, authentic, and beautiful self.